This Blog Might Flop and That’s the Point
I have been struggling lately with my identity as a spiritual entrepren-woo-er.
It’s a conversation I have with my partner frequently. He consistently suggests, supports, soundboards, and I consistently resist, argue and disagree. Gotta love having an SO who sees your light and tries to open your eyes to it <3.
It’s 100% a self-worth issue. Part of me (falsely) believes that I don’t have value to share (specifically on social media), that I am still a student and thus don’t know what I’m doing, and that I will look like a fool.
I realized today that I am literally projecting all these rules and expectations onto myself and my business that have absolutely no place being here. Rules about my blogs, my strategies, and the way I show up online. Giving myself deadlines that don’t make sense. Telling myself I have to do X in order to be "professional.”
And the crazy part is that I started FireSignCopy because I wanted the freedom to live and work at my own pace, with my own rules. So why the hell is corporate America calling the shots in my living room?
I've had to sit with an uncomfortable truth the last few days: I am still operating my business as if there is a dragon boss over my shoulder micromanaging my every move. I don't believe in my value enough to trust my intuition and run my business the way it’s designed to run. I am ruling over my creativity with rigid order instead of flow.
The irony is that being a writer is the only thing that has ever been consistent in my life. When home, friends, family and identity were all chaos and confusion, I knew that pen and paper (or in this case, a laptop) would lead me to clarity. Again and again I've turned to written word for solace, and the second I begin to lean into this divine gift, I spaz myself out and begin to police my creative brain.
What a load of baloney.
I haven't found the magic cure yet. I just accepted this truth, like, today. I honestly don't know if it will ever be gone. It may just continue to get smaller and smaller until it's a blip in my head. As of right now, I think the only way I'm going to get through it is some serious exposure therapy. As in, just putting it all out there and letting it flop.
Right now, I've got 19 people subscribed to FSC Club Weekly, and only two of those subs actually read my blogs: me, and my partner. Ouch.
But good god, have I written! I have so much content out, it makes me proud to see it. Even if nobody else does, it’s there and on the internet and never, ever leaving. Google SEO bots will immortalize my work in their ether of data and I get to be proud of that.
This isn’t life-changing work. This blog might not see anyone’s eyes but mine. And that's cool with me (because honestly it's not great, but that's not the point!) for now. This is part of the journey. This is part of the growth and the struggle and the “pitfalls.”
None of my favorite influencers were successful without doubt. Every single one of them hesitated before posting their first vlog or reel. Each of them had to start with bad camera quality, no understanding of angles, what the hell is a visual hook?
Just because I am at the bottom-ish of the mountain doesn’t mean I’m not climbing. This is literally the work I asked for.
My new friend Katy Dee said “This is your business. Act like it.” And girl, I am trying. And I see you trying too. We got this, babe.
<3 Ryan
