You Are Not a Monster: A Guide to Shadow Work

In tandem with the approach of Scorpio Szn, I want to dive into something a little uncomfy. 

What are you deeply ashamed of? 

Breathe.

I’m talking about things you’ve never said out loud. Maybe even things you don’t tell yourself. Things that come up and you immediately cast them out of your brain because the self-hatred is too much to handle. 

The things that keep you up at night. The things that cause you to shut down at the dinner table. The things that make you yell. 

There are things that keep you locked in, angry or indignant or rebellious. Well, it’s time to break it out of that box, babe. 

Rejection, shame, unworthiness, rage, depression, jealousy, inadequacy, ugliness, estrangement, loneliness, dissatisfaction, laziness, temper, dissociation, apathy, judgement, ridicule. 

All of these emotions are “bad.” We are taught to stifle them, to not talk about them, to repress them. And by doing so, we allow them to grow and spread throughout the body. Over time they grow roots and fester, striking out at others or manifesting as disease. They do not go away, they do not die. 

The practice of truly embodying the “negative” aspects of ourselves is called shadow work. What the hell do I mean by “embodying”? I mean allowing something to come forward from the recesses of the heart or mind and take up space in our consciousness. To truly acknowledge a feeling and allow it to fill us up, no matter how uncomfortable that is. 

Breathe. 

These are things that, even though the incident that created the feeling were eons ago, bleed into our every day and impact our ability to function and connect with the world around us. It's the jealousy issues that follow you to each relationship, it's the rebellion to any authority that stems from childhood, it's the shame you feel in a crop top because of what those girls said about you at school all those years. 

Understand that shadow work is not healing in the sense that we understand it- there is no “fixing” your shadow. All of those aspects of yourself are part of you and will continue to be a part of you for the rest of your life. You will encounter them again and again, and each time you will need to take the time to let them be felt. Talk about fucking spooky. 

“Pain demands to be felt”- Hazel Grace Lancaster, The Fault in our Stars by John Green. 

While the emotions themselves are part of our wholeness and cannot be “fixed”, our reaction to and of them can be. 

So what would happen if we let them spread along the surface rather than remain buried deep down? What if we were to have it wash over and express outwardly however it needs to by way of voice or physical expression and then thank it for its service? 

Because it is a service. These emotions protect us. They serve a purpose and to deny them this purpose is to refute the very essence of human being. 

Your anger protects you from injustice.

Your loneliness protects you from rejection. 

Your depression protects you from hurt. 

Your jealousy protects you from heartbreak. 

Breathe. 

When you speak them out loud or allow them to fill you up you deny their power over you. How many times have you felt relief after a good cry, or finally spilling a secret that you’ve been agonizing over? Emotions need a release. 

And while we know letting these emotions take over our constitution would consequence negatively, experiencing the emotion does not. There is a vast difference between feeling the emotion and allowing it to take over your decision making. 

When you choose to accept your “bad” feelings and you no longer hide them in the closet you take away their power over your conscious mind. If you can open yourself up to the notion that you can be and ARE loved and accepted anyway, you can find safety in your body again. You’ll think before you yell. You’ll set appropriate boundaries instead of shutting down. You’ll be able to sit in traffic without yelling your head off. 

This is what shadow work teaches. 

“Well Ryan, I'm chock-full of negative junk. How the hell do I begin?” 

First, breathe. 

Notice a trigger, in traffic or at work or with your sister. What is the emotion you are feeling? Okay, categorize it down. You’re angry? Is it betrayal, embarrassment, or are your rights being violated? Narrow down this emotion to its specificity. Now, close your eyes and feel it (unless you're driving).  Don't act, not yet. Just feel. Let it bubble, or flow or quake. 

Let it process through your body and notice where it is. Is your anger in your chest, or in your legs? Is it in your hands or in your head? Pay attention to where your sensations are. Is it tingling? Does it feel white-hot? Is it hazy? 

Now we can act, but appropriately. Maybe you need to scream. 

So scream.

Maybe you need to shake. Go, shake. 

Maybe you need to pound into the floor and swear at the person who caused your hurt. Do it. Act as though they are right there. Sit in the darkness and say the nastiest things you can to that person like they are right in front of you. 

Keep going until the sensation resolves. Affirm your feelings out loud. State the ugly truth you are so afraid of. Take away its power. Breathe deeply. 

Shadow work is not woo-woo or demonic. It is simply self-acceptance at its rawest form. It opens you up to yourself, and allows for better connection to the world around you because you are no longer slave to your emotions. You have the tools to discern when and how it is appropriate to react. 

None of us are immune to the experience of being a human. But that does not mean you have to let anything run your life for you, especially fear, anger or sadness. 

Your deepest darkest secrets do not make you a monster. They make you a human being. And to make this even more acceptable, I personally guarantee that whatever it is you hide, others do too. 

This practice is intense- you’re dragging a lifetime-sized lake of everything thats stuck in the mud and its going to be draining. Be gentle with yourself, and take the time to reflect after each session. Use movement, journaling, music or other creative outlet to assist your body in moving these heavy feelings through the body. Drink some water or tea. Breathe. If something feels too big to face alone, that’s okay. You can bring it to therapy, ritual, or safe community. 

Don’t be afraid- there is no monster in your closet, just the scared shadow in your heart. Our lives are a constant of transformation and only through radical self-acceptance can we step forward to our greater destiny. 

Blessed be, 

<3 Ryan